GREETINGS! 1993 by JoLynne Buehring

I’d never associated this word, Greetings, with anything other than the beckoning finger of Uncle Sam. I had never, as a woman of WWII vintage, applied it to me. It was system-shocking, bone-chilling and artery-crackling to read that word addressed to me—from the AARP! How dare they remind me, in bold type, that I was a half-century old!?

My flash reaction cooled to a less combustible contemplation. As well as older, I certainly am wiser than my youthful self. I’ve earned grey hairs, like diplomas, in that famous school called life. Some lessons seemed to be a breeze, others were challenging pursuits. Before I get trapped by my metaphors, I need to accept the pros and cons of aging will take care of themselves.

I don’t feel older, or even as old as I am. Actually, I feel younger now than I did at thirty. I’m not depression-ridden now, and I have five times the self-esteem I did then. I have accomplished what would have been impossible at that time, or even ten years ago. Although the future is scary and at times even bleak, I do have something to look forward to, goals to reach. I must keep reminding myself of my accomplishments of the past five years without dwelling on how late I was in doing them, or how much time I have left to do the rest. Maybe the phrase keep on keeping on could be more positively stated as doing what you can while you can. If I really believed I was led here to this time and place (and I do) then I also need to believe events will unfold as they are meant. I have a tendency to exhaust myself in mental self-flagellation over not moving along faster. The doors will not open until the time-locks release. I can’t force my life to develop; I can only be ready for the opportunities when they arrive. It has been an ingrained pattern for me to become increasingly dissatisfied with the status quo until I take the necessary action to precipitate change.

I’m in the yes-but stage right now, procrastinating, what-iffing the situation ad nauseum. It sounds as if I’ve just contradicted myself, but I really haven’t, because these thoughts are on two different levels. I can’t make happen what I wish would happen, but I stall what I can do and have to become miserable, apparently, before I do what I can.

Back to the subject of turning fifty, I remind myself of my assets:

1. I am loved.

2. I am respected.

3. I have friends.

4. I have emotional support and encouragement.

5. I am financially self-sufficient, not lavishly but adequately.

6. I am capable.

7. I have a strong desire to learn and to grow.

8. I am content in this place in the world.

9. I love, admire and respect others.

10. I have an unknown quantity of years to do what I can, and an inner excitement about what is going to happen during that period.

The women in our family tend to be long-lived. It’s thrilling to think of what might happen in the next fifty years!